Saturday, December 7, 2013

Empty Words: a short story by Noah Moore-Goad


“The danger lies in the emptiness of so many of the words we use.”     Sherwood Anderson                                                                                                                                            

     "I want a divorce,” Mary said quietly, as she wiped down the kitchen counter after the evening meal. John was putting the dishes that were in the dishwasher away in the cupboard, with his back turned away from her when she said the words with such a matter-of-fact tone that he almost didn’t quite believe she had said it. John and Mary had been married for nearly fifteen years at this point; and he had thought everything was fine… their anniversary was coming up and he had planned a big night out to celebrate this milestone in their lives. He had great news to share with her; his hard work and effort was about to pay off... little did he realize that she was etching an epitaph into said milestone.
               “What? Did you just say ‘divorce’, Mary?” John’s bile started to rise through his gut like steam through a radiator; his voice leaped up an octave, and he spun around in the small kitchenette to better understand what she was saying. He had the most startled look upon his face when he stared that the mask of certainty she was wearing – it was clear and focused, with only trace amounts of sadness trickling around her bright brown eyes. “Why? What’s wrong? Mary, where did you get such an idea?”
               Mary said it again, this time with a hint of steely edge to her words. “John, I want a divorce. I’ve given it much thought, and I’m just not happy anymore. I can’t keep telling you “I love you.” and mean it anymore. I’m sorry that this hurts you; I really am… but I can’t live like this anymore.” Mary’s face started to crumple like wrinkled notebook paper, with lines and creases forming across her face. Warring emotions of relief and sadness formed the face John was witnessing. “Mary, honey…” John said as he tried to hug her, even when his mind raced to absorb the shock of Mary’s stunning declaration.
               Mary recoiled from her husband’s attempted embrace like he was suddenly too hot to touch. “NO. No! I don’t want you hugging me! Trying to comfort me… it’s too much! Haven’t you been paying attention?! I just told you I want a divorce. Don’t you get it? I can’t take the stress of this! We are so broke, I’m working non-stop, and trying to make the ends meet, and you… you just keep playing at being a writer. You sit here all day, not helping out, not getting a job or helping with the bills… you won’t listen to me when I tell you how hard it is to get the bills paid! Don’t try to convince me to stay. It won’t work!” Mary was shivering in anger now; her bravery in telling John she was leaving him made itself manifest in physical form with tremors and her right hand clutching her dishrag like a rosary, trying to purge her soul with this announcement.
               John stood facing this woman who was his wife of more than a decade and stared in her resolute eyes, the fury and immolation that burned there in her brown eyes now filled with tears. He loved her so! He had heard her words and felt them puncture his soul, and now his eyes started hazing over with tears of his own. He wanted to open his mouth and try to talk her out of it – to make her understand the feelings he has for her and how much he needed her… but the words dissipated as his lips parted. The words just weren’t there. His heart felt every word but they were as empty as the air that left his body. He just stood there, in the kitchen as she turned on her heels and went upstairs to pack a suitcase.
               His whole world felt as empty as the words he now wished he’d spoken. The acceptance letter for his novel from Random House was on the kitchen counter, the envelope ripped open in excitement and fear and the contents of the letter now laid forgotten… just more empty words. Tonight was supposed to be a celebration of all they had together. Now all he had was the hot coal of failure burning in his gut and the word “divorce” ringing in his heart.
              


                                                                                 

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